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It's a new life, yes!

After coming here,so many things have changed
ACJ called me and my life was painted yet again.

I told Arpita, Maagha, Priti and Purvhih...Maagha was super-excited,
Priti was also 'too thrilled' knowing how much I wanted to go,
Arpita..hah she was sad, not for me but the distance did that...she was just getting closer to me and...
God loves to do this :)

Purvhih also gave her sister-hug over the phone...
That evening, I remember , there were few guests in the hall, Mati-Pappa were busy talking to them..I was laughing and smiling and gulping oxygen...the name on my sweet old monitor screen made me fall in love with my PC again..

I ran out...Mom hugged me as I showed her my name on the screen,
Dad was happy...and one more thought in his mind, quite not visible...

I messaged Amey.., he of course congratulated
My professional life was now fixed for a year

Sunnysh knew, that I didn't get what I didn't want...
But the fact of leaving him was more than everything, the last bachelor days of his life, then... probably my rapport with him might change., or not ??
Dunno...let that be
that will change in some way..will it ??!!
ahh...

I told Amey what I felt for him those two n a half years :O
that's what I did at eventide 8.30, when my train was scheduled for 11
Isn't that too much time wasted on one person like more than 2 years of figment, maagha-priti told me to forget him...
but it's not easy right ??
It should be easy but it's not

and then, the mail conversation...arrghh lets not get into that

The point is, am I asking for too much? Even Burday has a smart one(sorry no offence if yu get to know, I'm sure she won't find it is her even if she reaches this blog)
But that's how it makes me feel

Am I even allowed to..like that feeling again coated the way I want...or is Varun right ?!!
I hate that part, I hate that part
(yes it's twice)

after coming here..I had many many hopes..from him.., Amey, of crse
still I have (though now less hopes and more expectations)

Albeit, they won't affect ma mind now..I surreptiously reduce the opacity of that feeling ;)

Oh..forget him (
I'm trying to tell myself)

Mati was apprehensive of me leaving away from her,
But Ma...no worries
Pappa..I got what yu thought about me going away..I realised that when sunnysh and Mati told me about the Airport :)

This post was one of it's kinds !!

Suddenly it's a worry,

not so intentional but yes, I did refrain from its proximity

It would've amused me but I chose to remain me,

unbothered to give it a shot.

And how could I, it doesn't even fit in the frame

One - which I wanted to frame and the next -wanting to be framed.

Wanting to be framed was easier and nearer,

But I was adamant on the former...

Hence it goes to the book,.. - FOUND & LOST

why am i not willing to meet..??
why did i miss this opportunity after this long gap..??
why don't i want to see..??
why..??

tch...am not liking this not wanting to and not willing to


urrrgh...is it ever possible this way..??

hands over my forehead and over my head...and more over my hair
close my eyes!!

beside you..

how i want to lie beside you..

if you dont mind may i die..??

yes you heard me right.,may i die..??

i die and then can be beside you without you knowing it, is it fine...??

yes, i won't disturb you., am sure

just look at me once..just fall once...and i want no more of it!!

it labels me to you

whatever be your wish grant my this wish...

just that may i die and lie beside you!!